Optional and Inevitable
by melodymega
Summary: AU. After being killed, Castiel comes back as human. It takes some getting used to. Dean/Castiel.


Chapter 1

Dean had been to the future, so he knew - he should have known - how some things turned out. For Cas, anyway. He had already seen him mostly human: hurting, lost and self-loathing. Castiel wasn't meant to be human, not ever, and Dean's ridiculous,_ stupid_ notion that if he just showed Cas what he had been missing, what beer and free will and chocolate pie and friggin' _sex_ were all about, then maybe Cas'd come around, get in the groove, choose life.

The more time went by, though, the more Dean had to admit to himself that it really wasn't working.

The breaking point came before he even knew it. Typical day, typical diner, Sam eating salad mournfully and trying to ignore the tension, Dean pretending to concentrate on stuffing burger into his mouth but really watching Cas, Cas leaning back in the booth, oblivious to his food and looking out the window. Dean had never thought he'd miss having Castiel stare at him all the time, but anything had to be better than the way Cas's glance kept skittering away from him now.

The walk back to the motel was interrupted by a call from Bobby. Dean took one look at Sam with the phone, his face earnest and puzzled, and went to pack.

He was grabbing his toothbrush when he heard the room's door open and shut. The silence told him who it was. Dean slipped back out of the bathroom, expecting to find Castiel reading or studiously paying attention to crap daytime television. What he didn't expect was to find Cas waiting for him outside the bathroom door, his eyes a welcome shock of blue. Dean couldn't remember the last time he'd been fully held by that gaze.

"We're leaving?"

Dean shrugged. "Bobby must have a job or he wouldn't be calling."

There was a pause as Cas digested this. "I see. That certainly will make things easier."

Dean frowned, his hands moving the toothbrush back and forth between them. Before he could ask what Cas meant, he was fixed with a hard look.

"We need to talk, Dean."

Dean felt his throat tighten. "Sam'll be back in a minute. It can wait that long, right?"

Castiel shook his head. "I'd rather not wait." He stepped closer, invading Dean's personal space in a way that he had stopped doing when his angel juice got taken away. "Dean, this is not working. We have both been trying hard, but..." He sighed softly. "I think that it's time that I set off on my own."

Dean stared at him. "What the hell are you talking about?" He opened and closed his mouth several times.

"We're not - _we_ -" He stifled the urge to step away from Cas, standing his ground.

"You know what I mean, Dean," Cas said simply. "The longer I stay here, the more harm I feel is being done to our friendship."

"Harm? Look, Cas, whatever you think is going on -" The words died in his throat when Cas leaned even closer, his eyes wide.

Dean stood there and stared at him in confusion, a small part of his brain wondering if Cas was going to punch him. It seemed about as likely as the other possibility, which was that Cas was actually, seriously going to -

The press of lips on his own was gentle and warm, with only the slightest hint of pressure behind it. As quickly as it was there, it was gone, and Dean was left gaping at Cas across the inch that separated them. They stared at each other until the motel room door opened again, Sam slipping his phone back into his pocket.

"Bobby's got this idea that -" He stopped, his eyes widening as he took in the scene. "Um, do you want me to come back later?"

Castiel stepped back, moving around Dean. "Of course not." He picked up a small duffel bag from the end of one of the beds, holding it in his left hand while he offered Sam his right. "I was just telling Dean that I thought it was time to search out a few leads of my own. I haven't given up on finding God yet, and I think I might cover more ground by myself." He spared a quick look at Dean, then refocused on Sam.

Sam shook the proffered hand slowly, shooting confused glances between the other two. "Are you sure this is a good idea?"

"Just for a little while," Castiel promised. "You have my cell phone number. I'm sure we'll meet up very soon."

Dean's eyes narrowed at such an obvious lie, although he was a little relieved that Cas hadn't gotten better at lying yet. Over the past few weeks Dean felt like he had practically earned a goddamn PhD in angel - _former_ angel - corruption, so it was nice to know that Cas hadn't picked up all of his bad habits. Yet. Which was really just another reason that Cas should go, wasn't it?

"We'll give you a call." Dean tossed his toothbrush on the bed, looking anywhere but at Cas.

Castiel nodded, hefting his bag and walking to the door. "Take care of yourselves."

"You, too."


End file.
